The Ultimate Zutara Guide: Raising Children
by catharticdeficit
Summary: Raising children is hard. Period. Learn the ways on how to raise a child Zutara style.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** How many times do I have to say it? I do not own ATLA or any related indicia. There, happy?

_This was supposed to be in my other drabble collection: TUZG: Marriage Issues, but I decided to make a series of **The Ultimate Zutara Guide. **_

**Raising children is hard. Period. Learn the ways on how to raise a child Zutara style.

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**Spoiling Children 101**

"Zuko, it's time you tell Kimiko that she can't have this going on!" Katara raged at her husband.

The Fire Lord looked up from the negotiation scrolls he was signing and gave her wife a blank stare.

"What's going on?" he asked dumbly.

"You're spoiling Kimiko too much! Sooner or later she'll start thinking that everything she wants, she gets!"

"What's wrong with that? I give her everything she wants and it makes me happy to see her happy. Why, do you not like the smile on her face?"

"It's not that, but I'm afraid that if we keep pampering her like this, she'll rebel once we can't give her something she wants."

"Like?"

"What if she wants to move out by the time she's fourteen?"

"That's all right, as long as it is in the Fire Nation lands, I can build her her own palace," answered Zuko, shrugging as he picked up his pen again.

"What if she wants to have a boyfriend at her age of nine? I've seen this young boy who's strangely attached to her and she seems to like him back."

The Fire Lord's eyes widened as he put down his brush.

"That is beyond the line! I won't allow her to do that! No boys until she's thirty!" Zuko sighed. "You're right; I am spoiling her too much."

Katara smiled. Zuko was very protective of their daughter and would do anything to protect her from 'the bad boys out to get my little baby.' She gave Zuko a nod and went to the adjoining bathroom to fix her hair before the meeting.

As if on cue, a little girl in a cute red dress comes bounding in with a large smile that reached to her golden eyes. Her brown curls went bouncing along with her every step as she made her way to her father's lap.

"Hello little angel," purred Zuko lovingly as he gave her daughter a kiss on forehead. "Have you been taking good care of your baby brother?"

The little Fire Princess nodded excitedly. "Yes, I even gave Ginji his bottle. Grandpa Iroh is taking care of him right now. Hey, Daddy, can I have a new toy house?"

"What's wrong with the one you have now? I just bought you a new one less than a week ago."

"But I need a new one!"

Zuko sighed as he affectionately hugged Kimiko.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but you need to understand that not everything you want you can get it easily. You have to learn to work for it all and such things. Tell you what, if you be a good girl and help a lot in taking care of Ginji, I'll buy you a new toy house with lots of new dolls, okay?"

Kimiko frowned. "But I want it now!"

"No buts. End of discussion."

Kimiko's lower lip trembled and tears formed in her honey-colored eyes.

"Don't cry, honey, it will be just for a while, I pro—"

"Zuko, what have you done to her? Why is she crying?" Katara was already done with her business in the bathroom. She ran to Kimiko and took her in her arms.

"Like you said, I tried to tell her—"

"You are a horrible father. Be thankful that your daughter chose to play with toy houses instead of those dangerous weapons you're always pressing her to learn." Katara turned to Kimiko and gave her a soothing kiss on top of the head. "There, there, dear. Don't worry, Mommy's not like Daddy and I'll give you everything you want. Come on, let's go to the toy shop and you can chose what you want there."

After giving Zuko a glare, she stomped out of the room with Kimiko.

And Zuko was left to gape at her.

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_This came out randomly, so it is a bit crappy, but this kind of stuff happens everyday. _:)

**Rienne ;p**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own ATLA.

**Wrong Moves Part Two**

"Zuko, can you please tell Kimiko that she can't keep on ruining her toys? The garbage collectors in the palace haul up a mountain each week just from her destroyed toys! Do something about it!" ordered Katara during breakfast.

Zuko raised an eyebrow at her wife and put down his chopsticks.

"No way, Katara," he said firmly. "You do it this time." The memory of Katara's hypocrisy yesterday made him scowl inwardly. She made him look like the bad guy in front of their daughter and after that, Kimiko seemed a bit distant with him all through the evening.

Katara opened her mouth to argue but the Fire Lord's quelling stare made her bit back her tongue.

"All right, fine, I'll do it." The Fire Lady shrugged. "Anyway, Kimiko's going to come here after her breakfast."

"That's good," remarked Zuko as he got up from his chair. "I'm going to the office. I have tons of work to do."

"Have a nice day, honey," replied Katara.

Zuko smiled and gave his wife a small kiss on the lips.

"You too."

Before Zuko reached the door, something held him back. He was curious as to what Katara would say to Kimiko. So, he opened the door slightly and closed it, making it sound like he went off. Good thing that Katara was too immersed in her food to notice that he slipped into the shadows of a bulky ancient armor.

Zuko got a nice view of the whole room from where he stood and he observed silently as Iroh came in, carrying Kimiko in his arms.

"Good morning, Mommy!" greeted Kimiko cheerfully when Iroh passed her to Katara. "I just helped Grandpa Iroh to change Ginji's nappy!"

"Ah, my little baby is growing up! I'm so proud of you, sweetie," exclaimed Katara. Then her face turned serious. "Sweetie, we have to have a little talk."

"Yes, Mommy?" Huge, golden eyes stared at her that held nothing but innocence and wonder.

"You know those toys that you, er, deformed? Well, you can't keep on doing that, okay? The garbage collectors are having trouble with all the mess."

Kimiko pouted. "But Daddy always said that I need to practice my bending, and the toys are good for that."

Katara affectionately hugged her daughter.

"We can't do anything about it, dear. It's your father's orders, I'm sorry."

From his hiding place, Zuko couldn't help but smack his forehead.

_I just love doing Katara hypocrisies. Next, Zuko turns the hypocrite! I mean, if ever I should continue writing this, that is. _

**Rienne :P**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Aang is the property of Dimartino, Konietzko, and Viacom Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. A teenager who's not too kindly with lawyers and shoots the hell out of their assess wrote this appalling excuse for a fic, so please don't sue. This disclaimer will hold true for the next chapters/drabbles.

_For something different…. Okay, I only wrote it this way 'cause I'm a lazy ass. **REVIEW**, please!_

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"Dad, why do we have to go and pray to Agni everyday?"

"So that we could all go to a wonderful place up in the sky where you can destroy as many toys as you want and get more."

"We're already in heaven, then. So why are we still praying?"

"What do you mean? I thought I told Katara to stop spoiling you kids!"

"No, she doesn't. Mommy gives me everything I want, including that nice new set of katanas you wouldn't give me. I slashed up my whole room but she doesn't mind."

"KATARA!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Nana, Iroh, will you please stop spoiling Kimiko and Ginji? They get enough of that from Katara already."

"I do not spoil our children! Give me one instance I've spoiled them rotten!"

"It would take me weeks to come up with that list and as much as I would like to prove you wrong, I don't have that kind of time in my hands."

"There, there, Zuko! As your uncle, these kids become my grandchildren."

"And they're mine as well."

"It's the grandparent's job to spoil their grandchildren while it's the parent's job to discipline them."

"Then it's a good thing you reminded me, Uncle. Ginji, Kimiko! It's time for your training! We're doing multiple exercises today until I drill disciple in you! Come on! Get a spear and a mace and follow me! I won't take no for an answer. The one who doesn't obey my orders gets a beating!"

"**ZUKO!" **


	5. Chapter 5

For Disclaimers, please refer to chapter 3. Thanks to the people who have reviewed so far! I'm glad that this is going somewhere. :)

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"Ginji, may I have a word with you?"

"Yes, father?"

"Why is it in every…discussion I have with your mother concerning you and your improper behaviours, you always make me look like the bad guy? Care to explain yourself, young man?"

"That is just it, father! Don't you realize that it is better for you to have raised a hand to me than to have you speaking to me like this? As if I'm the baddest boy in the world? Physical pain can fade in the deepest darkness of my thoughts, but never such an emotional trauma such as this!"

"Ginji…."

"I will carry through all my life the pain and misery that my own father has caused me with his stinging words! You have successfully crushed my heart…."

_A leather belt, a stick, an exposed ass, a mountain of ice packs and pain relievers later…._

"I was just kidding. Why the hell did he have to make it real? Ouch, that really hurts…. I'm telling Mom on him…."

"And get your ass whooped again. Ginji, do you ever learn?"

"Shut up, Kimiko! I thought you're a water bender? Hurry up and cure me!"

"No, I won't. Father said that you were most likely to come to me for help, and he said that I won't use my healing abilities on you. We'll just have to do this old style!"

"You big Daddy's girl!"

_Slap!_

"Crap, not another bruise!"


	6. Chapter 6

Raising Children 101 by Averi Ihavetenkids 

**First and foremost, know how to differentiate your children…**

"Please take Kimiko and Ginji to their closets, honey, and get them changed. We only have a few minutes!"

"Okay, Katara! I'm on it!"

"We're so late for the summit!"

…

…

"What have you done to your children, Zuko and Katara? Why is Ginji wearing a dress? And is that Kimiko is boys' briefs?"

"Zuko, you idiot! Change them again!"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault! You were the one who gave Kimiko—rather, Ginji to me!"

"You should have noticed it then, when you changed him!"

"I didn't change his underwear! I was pressed for time!"

"What! His nappy needs changing! That's what I've smelled for the past few minutes! Didn't you even notice the scent? Are you scent impaired?"

…

…

(At the summit)

"What is that offensive smell? Can you smell it, Lord Zuko? It's absolutely horrible!"

"Foh."

"What's a clothes' pin doing clamped on your nose?"

"Give that clothes' pin!"

"I need it more!"

"That's it! I'm calling this summit adjourned until that odor is taken care of! I'm sorry, Your Highness, but Lord Handi just fainted from the smell!"

…**Because it will certainly lead to complications.**

Not very funny, but this hit me suddenly. Thanks for the wonderful reviews I have received so far! You guys make my day!


	7. Chapter 7

I'm a bad, bad girl for not posting for…oh, half a year at the very least. But I'm back and loaded with more insanities (and a bit of angst every now and then) for the Royal Fire Kingdom Family! Show me you still love this story and _**REVIEW**_! Pretty please? This isn't very funny, but I have more that will surely tickle your funny bone. I'll post them up every other day, okay? And for those also watching out for my other stories, Blood and Infinite Abyss, only one reason for the delay: Writer's blocks. I think I can update on those stories by next week.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own it.

Spoiling Children 101 by Averi Ihavetenkids

**Rule No. 2 : Take Time to Listen To Your Children's Woes…**

"Zuko…I've been thinking…."

"Yes, Katara?"

"You've been gone away so long trying to mend our ties with the Earth Kingdoms that you don't have time anymore for your children."

"I spend time with them! I mean, I give them what they want and…."

"And that's not enough. Zuko, they need someone to talk to and you're the best bet for that."

"Why, can't they talk to you?"

"Me? Think about it, honey. Ginji's already a teenager. Wouldn't it be embarrassing to talk about personal problems to your mother? As for Kimiko, she won't talk to me anymore. Just last week she said a girl in her school told her that listening to parents is over-rated."

"That's preposterous! Don't young people nowadays have respect for their elders? And why is Kimiko listening to that girl? Why I ought to--!"

"I don't mind at all. It's just a phase in every young woman's life. Sooner or later she'll come and talk to me when she's ready. Zuko, they're closer to you than they are to me, so please, would you at least try and talk to them."

"I don't get it why I should be the one doing this. And furthermore, why are they becoming like this?!"

"It's not that hard to have a heart-to-heart with your children; they miss you terribly, I'm sure. Have you even gone through teenager angst before?"

"Fine…I'll go then."

"Thank you, sweetie. I love you."

…

…

"Kimiko, dear?"

"Yes, Dad?"

"Um…I just came by. It's been so long since we last had a daddy-daughter talk and I miss that."

"No, Dad, it's okay. I know how busy you are."

"It's not okay. Look, my family should be the most important thing in my life, yet I let my own political affairs go first. I'm sorry."

"I understand. Come and sit by my bed. What did you want to talk about?"

"Anything."

"Okay, I'll start. Dad, did you know that being a teenager is hard? Oh my gosh, just last week, I found a huge zit on my nose! And then this morning, I had to shave not only my armpits but also my bikini line! It was so gross! And look at this! Mom bought me a new set of these things that help in my monthly bleeding because I've been getting a pretty heavy flow the last couple of months!"

…

"Dad? You okay? You said you want to talk!"

"Oh, yes. Well, that's just all erm, pretty bad problems. Why don't I call your mom and you talk to her? I don't think I can relate to erm, women problems like these. Excuse me."

"Good riddance. Mika is right. Gross your parents out and they never would want to talk to you again."

…**Only if they want to talk. Otherwise, it's pretty useless. **

**Rienne :P**


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